I’m wondering if I made a Christmas Etiquette Faux Pas here and could use some help…

Today I’m a little embarrassed and ferhblungit (means totally perplexed in Yiddish) about a situation I’m in.

See, a few weeks ago I invited a dear friend, let’s call her Wendy, who means the world to me to spend Christmas or Christmas Eve with me, and I totally forgot that I did that!  Oops!

Okay, well, I actually thought (at another event I went to with her) I said (in so many words) “forget about spending C or CE together because I’m probably not doing anything.”  Turns out I didn’t say that (according Wendy).  What I said to her was (in so many words) “don’t know what we’re doing yet but keep one of the days open…”

Well today Wendy texted me to go to a party with her Christmas Day in which I replied, “Can’t make it have plans Xmas.”

and now skip to…

Way back in October my Mom, and another couple (let’s call them Asher and Roz) invited me to eat chinese with them Christmas Day at a restaurant near my house.  I accepted.  It’s very casual.  And up till a few days ago, I forgot I was going with them on Christmas.  My Mom didn’t even say anything about it until two days ago…I think I have “Holiday Dementia” or something…

So, instead of saying to Wendy (above) Lets get together Xmas Eve cause I have plans now on Xmas Day, or Christmas Day we’re going with Asher and Roz (who you know and like and visa-versa) I immediate put foot in mouth – (see above in green italics)

In Which Wendy immediately texted a reply “I wish you would of notified me earlier cause you said to keep Christmas open for me.” (but I thought I said Christmas or Christmas Eve) No matter, she still got upset…

And this is not an excuse, but I’ve been so distracted lately because my daughter, Rachel, is on a kick about going to England to find her “Mr. Darcy.”  As you may or may not know she is obsessed with everything “Jane Austen.”  This latest idea of hers has me a little worried because, not only has Rachel never traveled outside the U.S. alone, but she sometimes lives in a fantasy world – I mean, really, does a man like Darcy even exist outside of “Pride and Prejudice?”

But I digress…

So now I put myself and Wendy in a very uncomfortable situation.

And then we were texting/talking back and forth – me trying to clean up the situation by saying I’ll come with you to the party, and you come with me for Chinese.  Wendy saying she now feels like an “after thought” and she doesn’t feel comfortable going to a place (chinese restaurant) where she wasn’t invited…what a mess.

Now Wendy doesn’t know if she even wants to be around me on Christmas, and I probably ruined any future holiday spending together as well, which makes me extremely sad.

Can someone please tell me – What is the etiquette in a situation like this?  I mean I said I was sorry many times, I asked her to forgive me for being an idiot, etc., etc., etc. And a few days later, I’m still very distraught over this.

I certainly know we’re all entitled to our feelings and I’ve taken responsibility for this mishap, but did I totally screw up our friendship or is Wendy raking me over the Yuletide coals just a little to hard?

I could use some Holiday Help!

Samantha Collins

(Jan. 2 2015 footnote)…Wendy and I are great!  I invited her to a Christmas Eve dinner, just the two of us at a favorite restaurant.  We had duck with cherry sauce, prime rib and aus jus, along with fabulous martinis where I (again) apologized profusely and picked up the Christmas tab.  Thank goodness for understanding friends!


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